So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
