well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
