The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
this will be a night to untag.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
