You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
