it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Randomize
