My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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