I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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