the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she peed on how many people?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
