and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
