Little spoons don't ask big questions
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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