I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
