That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
