hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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