I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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