it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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