life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
