No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
