Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
