i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
