Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here