that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.