I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.