How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe