Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
