yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
