god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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