I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
