I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
