im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
