Having a random hookup so left but love u
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
