apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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