Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is Oprah even human
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
