so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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