I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
