I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
