someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
