How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
