I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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