If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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