I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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