Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
