I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
