How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
