I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
