Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
4 words: hood of his car
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
