I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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