i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
