How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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