just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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