The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
