Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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