just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
