I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
