I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
