It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
