i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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