yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
