He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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