why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
