He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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