Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
