cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
