i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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