matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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