shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
