It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
