WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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