I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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