your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
