I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
