yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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