Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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