Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
