Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
