Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
