R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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