I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
