you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
